BEAUTY FOR ASHES.

TEARS FALL FREELY DOWN MY FACE,
TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF WHAT MY LIFE HAD BECOME,
TRYING TO CONTAIN THE RAGE
PLAGUED BY DOUBT
WEIGHED DOWN BY DEPRESSION
EVERYDAY I WAKE UP BLAMING GOD FOR MY PAIN.
I HAD NO SOLUTIONS
HAD NO CLUE WHAT TO DO,
WHO WAS I TO TURN TO 
WHEN IT FELT LIKE GOD WAS IGNORING MY PAIN.

WITH EACH NEW DAY THE QUESTIONS OF A BROKEN PERSON KEPT REPLAYING IN MY BRAIN,
WHAT DID I DO?
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?
WHY AM I BEING PUNISHED THIS WAY?

I COULDN'T COMPREHEND, MY LIFE SEEMED PERFECT
EVERYTHING GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN
I HAD A GOOD JOB, MONEY IN THE BANK, FOOD ON MY TABLE,
MY OWN PLACE; EVEN FRIENDS I BELIEVED WOULD BE THERE IF I EVER NEEDED A HAND.
I WAS RIDING THE WAVE THINKING I HAD IT MADE,
THEN ALMOST OVER NIGHT IT SEEMED TO ALL FADE AWAY
MY JOB DISAPPEARED, THE MONEY WENT FASTER THAN A SPRINTER ON A TRACK
THE FRIENDS I WAS THERE FOR VANISHED FASTER THAN I COULD SAY H-E-L-P AND NEVER LOOKED BACK.

I WAS BROKEN, ALONE AND DESPERATE 
WANTED TO END IT ALL; TO PUT AN END TO ALL THE STRUGGLES, SUFFERING AND LONELINESS.
NO MATTER  WHAT I TRIED I COULDN'T SUCCEED, 
EACH ATTEMPT TO TAKE MY LIFE IT SEEMED THE LORD WOULD INTERVENE.
I LASHED OUT, BLAMED HIM FOR LEAVING ME AND FOR NOT LET ME TAKE THE COWARDS WAY OUT.
 MY FAITH WAS NON-EXISTENT, NO ONE COULD TELL ME TO PRAY OR TRUST GOD. I WOULD GET SO ANGRY WHEN PEOPLE SAID KEEP BELIEVING GOD KNOWS WHATS BEST.

HOW COULD HE KNOW YET DO NOTHING?
HERE I AM CRYING, MY HEART AND SOUL IN PIECES AND STILL NO ANSWER FROM GOD.
I WAS BROUGHT LOW, EVERYTHING BURNED TO ASHES AROUND ME.
COULDN'T SEE THE PLANS HE HAD FOR ME
ALL I COULD SEE WAS THE UTTER DESTRUCTION OF EVERYTHING I HAD BUILT, YET STILL HE BURNT IT DOWN.

THAT I WOULD LEARN THAT ITS NOT MY WILL, BUT HIS WILL BE DONE.
HE BROKE ME TO REBUILD ME
TO RESHAPE ME IN HIS IMAGE
HE TOOK ME OUT OF MY WORLD AND PLACED ME INTO HIS
HE GAVE ME A NEW BEGINNING
A VILLAGE
A COMMUNITY OF GOD MINDED PEOPLE TO HELP ME PICK UP THE PIECES.
I LOST ALL THING MATERIALISTIC
SO  THAT GOD COULD USE IT,
NOT TO PUSH ME AWAY
BUT TO DRAW ME EVER CLOSER TO HIS WAY.
TO SHOW ME THE VALUE OF HIS WILL,
TO TEACH ME TO WALK BY FAITH AND NOT SIGHT
TO RESTORE MY TRUST AND BELIEF NOT JUST IN HIM BUT HUMANITY AS WELL.
TO LEARN TO CLAIM WHATS BEEN PROMISED IN ISAIAH 61,
TO BE AN INSTRUMENT FOR HIS GLORY, TO LET OTHERS KNOW MY TESTIMONY.

TO LET OTHERS KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT STORMS WE MAY WEATHER , OR FIRES WE MAY FACE, THE LORD WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO GIVE US BEAUTY FOR ASHES.